For the past 8 years, I've had my life pretty set out for me. I ended O levels with a sure spot in NP's nursing through DPA. I ended poly with a sure working position as a Staff Nurse thru my bond with SGH. And, of course I'm quitting work with a sure spot in Uni, but, that's pretty much it.
For the first time in my life I'm diving into something that's so uncertain. And it doesn't help that I'm 24, engaged, and have almost nothing to pay for my wedding. I've had mini attacks over the past year, at least, being so scared of making a huge mistake in life.
I mean, what if I quit and this whole psych thing doesn't work for me? What if I can't find a part-time job to help pay off the wedding? What if I fail miserably in this course? What if I can't finish it? What if I can't make a good career out of this? What if I have a baby and decide I can't continue this? What if... well, okay you get the point.
I've been going back and fourth with this idea for the longest while, and although staying wouldn't help me grow in any way whatsoever, nothing scares me more than being so uncertain about my future.
Also, it doesn't help that my SNM is a psycho and I just transferred into ICU last year and that I really really do love being in ICU.
Rizal, the fiancé, (wow, i totally haven't introduced him here, I should tho) has always been telling me to have faith in the big man up there, but I swear, I'm only human and I'm scared shitless. And of course, it doesn’t help that he's been planning this wedding years before he met me, so he's financially set. I, on the other hand, am a broke ass bitch.
Anyhoo, I submitted, or attempted to, submit my resignation yesterday and it went sooooo much better than I thought. I mean yeah, she brought up the whole "You promoted to SSN already right?" nonsense. But other than that, no objections? Sis shooked. Alhamdulillah.
So I guess it's time now to just go with the flow, have faith and P R A Y that He has this all planned out perfectly for me. In shaa Allah.
Make prayers for me ya -
to get through school, to have enough money for the wedding, to have a successful wedding, to have a good career afterwards and to have a blissful marriage.
Until next time,
With love, Hannah 💕
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